Live in the moment or wait for a better tomorrow?

       Happiness is momentary like a life of a candle, somebody lights up a day for you and you are bright and you just can’t keep dreaming that you can be lite up and keep glowing forever. When the candle expects to be out there wanting to watch the whole world and letting the whole world look back, it should be ready to face the wind, the rain water drops even though it knows they are capable of switching of its light but that is what life is all about. You have no third option -its either "take risk try your luck, face challenges" or "stay inside the closed room and be safe until you melt down completely”.

    With these thoughts in mind Daina sat in front of the Jesus with the candle in her hand, now her eyes were filled with tears. Suddenly she looked up to ask the God. Please tell me -What should I be? A candle which wants to be out there or the one which feels safe and calm inside the closed walls? Suddenly she broke and tears flowed down her cheeks and few drops traced the eye lashes, her long curvy nose and finally landed on the burning flame of the candle. All this happened even before she could open her eyes to see that the candle light went off.

     She stood there shocked wondering!! Suddenly from the corner of her eyes she noticed a light approach her, a candle which light up her candle and she heard the voice of her friend saying “Don’t be afraid of darkness, because until you experience darkness you never know what having brightness and light around us feels like and we would have never thanked god for giving us light”

    That kept her thinking further and the next minute she saw a image of herself in the reflection of the window pane as she walked through “If you are afraid to go out there thinking the candle light will be blown of due to wind and rain, what just happened in a closed room also has a capability to switch it off. If not by external interference, something like what happened here now we might end up being the own reason for the darkness around us. It just depends on how well you are equipped and covered around to save the flame and spark from wind, rain and any other external interference how strong and immune you are. Go out see the whole world and let the world watch you by going beyond this 4 side closed walls. You are not the only one out there who fear about darkness. So just go live your life, learn to take risk just go with the wind and make sure you are equipped to avoid the wind from blowing away you light. Don't worry about the flame going off, there are so many candle out there which will definitely light you up. But make sure you aren’t out there beyond a limit after which you have no friends, family and others , don’t go too far and leave the rest behind. 

Stay in touch with your roots so that at the times of the last few moments you can still hope to stay light up for few more moments because the previously melted wax can re act as a source for the flame. All that I would like to finally tell you is don’t keep waiting for that brightest moment. The fact that you want brightest moments means that will be followed by not so bright or darker moments. With so many just bright candles around you, your surroundings will be brighter. Just make sure that when one other candle around you is switching off, just stay closer all that the other candle need is some warmth and assure the other candle you are there to light it up if something happens. Don’t let your self or the other candle stay off for too long. After a while even other candles will have a tough time to locate you, for now that you have been off for too long and invisible for too long to even remember you were once there among them”.

     Happiness is what we define. We are happy if we do not come across anything that would make us sad. We are happy when people recognize us for our talent and accept us for what we are than define us based on what we cant be. And now that you are happy and you want the rest of your life to be as happy as you are now, some where in the corner of your mind you start fearing “what if this happy moments are not forever?”, “what if, what I have today is not there anymore for tomorrow or few days from now?”, “what if I won’t be able to handle the sudden absence of the reason for which I am now happy, what will I do when I am left with nothing to be happy about?” and a lot many more “What if’s!!” And instead of enjoying the happiness of today we think too ahead of that probable sad day and start loosing out the current moments of happiness. In a way good that you start accepting the fact that what we have today is not permanent, it just cannot remain for ever and its not always people accept you for what you are. But why lose out on today’s lovely moments..? If you really love being happy the way you are continue being happy, that makes you happier and you reach a stage where you just cant let go of things that you are happy about. Just wish from your heart -  

 "When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it!".

P.S: Candle light is one of my favorite topic and I’ve been trying to write a post on this topic but now after 3 years - I have finally come up with a right one I feel. I think this post makes justice for not posting for a long time and keeping away from here. 

Streams of Thought!!

With a 3 consecutive holidays & a break for my CAT weekend classes i as usually woke up in the morning telling bye to my parents who were on their way to my native,came out of my room looking at myself in the mirror.thinking what does it reflect?seeing an image of myself, that image which i show to the world ....staring at it thinking how much ive changed from the way i was in my school days,the way i was a pet student to my teachers,the way i actively participated in all that i can like sports,music ,drama and dance competition,the way i was famous for being the only National level NTS scholar from my school....then coming back to the present life comparing myself & wondering about it. I stop for a few minutes meditating what to do... switched on my comp & sat glued in front of my computer chatting,taking quizzes on facebook( which i tend to call stupid but at times turns out to be stress reliever after really horrible incidents in this really terrible world outside..)..then entered on youtube typing in the words like "friends", "life ", "memories"and when the other words just followed itself chose the lines which suited my mood for that moment... there i found a video which made me really emotional and helped me let my tears out, which was held back since a few days time for now...which was VITAMIN C "FRIENDS FOREVER"....Memories flash back.With each passing day, seconds have turned into minutes, minutes into hours, hours into days, days into months & months into years.... All I could think of was the last 3years of my life. I sit totally benumbed with my gaze affixed on the snaps we friends had taken,which we had considered as the most jobless thing we were doing when ever we hanged out and we never knew how much it means when we sit back and watch them at times like this...

The first day when i entered the college with all the enthusiasm ,dreaming big ,expecting few seniors to rag me ,to make friends ..and telling myself see there a group of people ,may be they are your classmates go speak,say hi,make friends..thats when i ended up saying a big Hi to a girl waving my hand and smiling with all 32 teeths open & ended up being laughed at,:( all that i could think then about her was "how rude?".LOL...but now all that i say and be is with her, who makes me feel like im the world. :) Gradually all the only 10 girls were friends who carried different dreams with an image of their own.& somewhere around mid 2nd year guys were also friends and there was a big naughty monkey gang of our own by the end of 2nd year.. we as a group started hanging out for treks, trips, movies, eat-outs,& not to forget our college C bench,nescafe & parking lots and the celebrations of Holi , ethnic day , utsav, Birthdays (and not to forget the stay overs :) ),..  moments like playing lagoori ,cricket, basket ball,  badminton ,dumb charades, a play on stage, singing ,dancing , pulling each others legs & seeing those few little hurt hearts cry..& what not..But never knew we would end up being this close by the end of 3 years ,that we cant imagine a life with out seeing each other everyday like the way we see now.We never thought of a bad days in our lives ,must say never ever thought we would come across one either!but experienced a few of them also ,well but life still moves on & we should learn from the bad experiences to become a better person who can challenge a tougher tomorrow.And thats when u get to realize who your true friends are and the back biters..

Convincing myself i started posing few questions at myself "Life...What is it? An everchanging metamorphosis of existence?"

" Who am I in reality? People around me categorizes me in the shackles of different tags... but I do not want such designations and identifications... I am what I believe I am...", how should i deal about my emotions ,when im expected to stay clam and focused & many more which were left un-answered.

My life is on the verge of completing 21 years... 21 years of happiness, sorrows, goals ,ambitions, crushes , disappointments , pain, afflictions, hatred, paradoxes and dissatisfaction.

The horizon of dreams is distant but in focus.....perhaps my life is too blurred to realize them... maybe I am too ignorant... probably I don't even want to realize those dreams... Indeed!I'm not even trying to realize them... but everything around me is undergoing metamorphosis.All that I can say myself is "I MUST CHANGE"... I need to recognize my passion , I need to work towards it. If not now, never again will I get another chance.. BUT WILL I BE ABLE TO?.. this still remains a question..........

I(I)M HAPPY AGAIN!! :)

Life seems to be too good, once we start dreaming about things we always wanted! And we start falling in love with our lives exactly when just the same things are actually happening …well by now u guys will be knowing what I am all up to & what made me write this blog, rather start writing a blog .. you are right I am happy and i really mean it! I seriously cant stop smiling for the same!! :)
May be I sound out of place and acting like ive got high, like my friends always say......i can get high just on air,no need of vodka ya wisky or blablabla,but guys trust me I am actually more than just high ,& i guess my brain is out of its place, I am dancing, singing & not to forget to mention again "im smiling":) !!!like my fav dialogue from friends {“MONICA: I cant stop smiling :) ,RACHEAL: I can see that,feels like u have slept with an hanger in ur mouth all night!!}
Well lets come to the point putting the big full stop to the hype Ive written all this time. Before I start I’d like to request all professionals and philosophers to excuse coz im sure you ppl are gonna laugh at my story and analyse it the way just in an entirely different view point and spoil my temporary happiness…. so plz excuse!!:)
“What made me soo happy?” is ur question and here goes the story… hcha kinda feeling Goosebumps…well but still I need to continue.. I met THAT “GUY”.. rather “that perfect guy” who made me feel nice, I don’t care whether Il see him again or not, but I just met him and spent an hour speaking to him,what more???? hang on its just not that… this guy is all set to join his new gr8 home… Confused ??? lol not the permanent house,,,, It’s the IIM…Yeah guys its IIM B. He got a call from 4 IIM’s and has cleared all of them and gonna join his classes from tomorrow …doesn’t that sound amazing.. he gave me all those strategies to see that il clear them all too… and the best part was the encouragement he gave me to see that il do it, and the spirit he filled in me that I can do it.. haa this is what is making me feel more nice.. yes I can do it, and I want to do it.. After all its in my hands, its my life.. What if the fees is as high as 11 lakhs,and my parents cant afford it, I can take a loan and repay them back (like one of my best buddy suggested)… now I am sure of what I want to do.. where I want to be.. haa wow, writing is such a nice feeling.. & I just realized!! I would surely write regularly on my blogs to let all that i feel ,out of me.Thanks to that particular person who gave me an encouragement to start writing one,and an idea to write today…well guys I know what ul be thinking,,& u r right!! im still high and I cant stop smiling!! :) cya soon with more blogs…

PS: comments are open from professionals and philosophers too if they actually read it!!:) &by the way I think id like to meet dat guy again atleast to say thanks for making this big difference in my life!;)

Shoppoholic???ya may be...

                             

                                 

        “Hey guess what?? I went shopping today, I Bought 3 tops, 2 jeans” & the next Sunday evening again “hey u know what, I bought 4 kurtha’s  6 salwar kameez & a pair of boots, the one which  makes tic-toc tic-toc sounds & I loved them all” hehehe chill don be excited coz u guessed who says it(well u may think i'm excited ;) :P ) .Well u'l never get a prize for guessing who says this all the time,coz this is always the tone when I shop !!
          
          Well I donno what gets me high when I go shopping, If i like something I want that to be mine for ever,be it shoes ,jeans, tops, salwar ,a hand bag ,… the list is just endless. Sometimes even if I don really need them I buy them, whether I use them or not it should be mine.The very feeling that the things I liked is mine gets me high .There were times when I din like things much and was in confusion deciding whether to buy it or not, but i still bought when I realized the person next to me is buying thinking it was amazing and I jump into it saying "sorry Ive  already selected it"with a smile on my face,as if I owned a world by buying it....what goes behind my thought at that moment is still unanswered.. there were times I really felt guilty for buying stuffs which I really din need neither do I know when & where to use them.. still lying in my wardrobe like a discarded object. What gets me so excited about shopping??? GOD knows…

          
          The paradox in my life is when it comes to things that are not shop-able.Why do I just let it go??,even if it is supposed to be meant for me( not sure). Is that because I’m scared ?or is that because I’m not ready to accept it ? Or is that coz I don want it just because I feel it wouldn work out?? Should I even care about it? finally i feel i don have to care about it..By the way im not all that worried about my craze for shopping ,coz as of now its not out of control,i just felt like writing another entry to my blog & that was triggered by the movie i just watched "Confessions of a Shoppoholic"

Anyways its festive season so HAPPY SHOPPING!!


 PS:Hey don u forget that Im always there to accompany ,when u wanna go out for shopping.. do call me even if u just feel like going out for a window shopping?ok?

Worth the wait

Only I know how much my heart raced

The pace at which things were happening, I was amazed

When the 72 days count down changed to 12 days

When the 72 hours further dipped to 45 hours.

Earlier the wait of 3 months and another 6, seemed so long..

Followed by a rapid mysterious 1 month which brought us together and made the bond so strong..

There he stood in front of me..

After 309 days and 12 hours, we meet to see

And uncover the miracle that bought us together

While looking for the vibe and the assurance if this relationship, would get stronger

His first wave at me from the distance

His first gaze at me, with the world around being in silence

Our first touch with the rose petals lying on our palms

Our first prayer together with our slightly touching arms

The first smile to exchange the feeling of comfort

Got framed in my mind like a photographic memory, without an effort

As time passed I was speechless with my mind in zen

While he kept trying to make me smile, time and again

I questioned him, about his true intent

He assured me with the story that made me smile, as a symbol of my consent

While I wondered, what have I done to earn this gift of my life

He comes closer to hug and kiss me on my forehead, asking me to be his wife

This moment, this very moment, for which I had waited 30 years

Lasted only a minute, before I left to work smiling with my eyes full of tears.


PS: He's my beautiful breeze for life..  Mr. Pavan is his name. 

Pulled out of a comfort zone...

There I stayed safe and warm, with constant source of energy, unseen voices singing for me, a pleasant feeling for the care showered on me with nothing to worry, nothing to fear. I could only sleep, play and move around.

The feeling with in me was different every minute..mostly happy and joyous, while I moved my body and legs..there were times when I could also sense suffocation ...that felt like a pull in throat..and faster heart beat...and of all nothing could beat the tune of song that made me calm and put me of to sleep.

Suddenly a day I heard a tud so loud and before I realized I started feeling tired..the world around me started sinking .. my food, my bed everything drowned..and I was so tired ..soo tired.. Still pushing around trying to stretch and trying hard to breath.. Din know what was happening to the world of my own everything was drowning down... I was tired and sleepy.. Stopped fighting for breath and slept..

Suddenly was shaken up from my sleep loud noise very crancky and I felt something pulling me ..but there was nothing around me .. I was now drowning too but I was too tired to resist.. Suddenly it felt like I was dragged out to a different world.. There was something around my eyes... I couldn't breathe.. I couldn't open my eyes.. It was very bright..it was very cold.. And something was hurting all my body..I was not in my world anymore..it was too noisy outside my place.. Too bright and too suffocating..why did I come out..who pulled me out ...I cry cry cry and cry..suddenly a very soothing arms touched me and made me feel safe and it felt so good but dint last for too long.. somebody took me away... Turned me up side down, slapped me on my back.. Poured a warm water rubbed through my body.. I started crying all over again.. Rubbed me with something soft wrapped me around and made me warm. I was tired very very tired..by then I couldn't cry anymore.

Then I was again with those warm hands with whom I felt safe and belonged to. Who gave me something tasty to drink. And I stay there, feeling safe, drinking and fell asleep.

PS: Imagined from the view and sense of the  infant from the mothers womb..if you couldn't guess.

Soo close yet so far!

Sometimes all that you need is some patience and some food for thought!
Because to make a decision of crossing that thin line of boundary between the present and future takes a lot  of courage and readiness.

Just like a new boat which is waiting to enter the sea, it never knows where it's journey is towards? All that it needs is some tools to make the journey smooth and going.To make sure it doesn't sink. The possibility of knowing if its all equipped and has no holes any where is realized only when it enters the water body.

A boat was never constructed to remain in the shore for ever. If it fears to enter the sea out of the fear it might sink, and might be hit by storms or ice burg it may never know the world beyond the land and the very purpose of its life remains .. un lived. You never know where life can take you. Future is the mix of wonderful breeze, blue sea, new places, wonderful experiences,  dawn and dusk everyday and also the storms and ice burgs....   But take risk, try some distance, clarify no holes and make sure you are ready and well equipped for risks. Move on... make every moment of your life worth living.  At times it might also mean to loosen the strings attached to go ahead a little further ..but remember I din mean cut the strings.

PS: Dedicated to the moment, common feelings and fears.. My shortest blog I guess :P

Happy New year to all for yet another new journey of your life and wishing you more happiness , fun and memorable moments.

Doni sagali munde hogali dura tirava serali

bisu galige biluteluva tereya megade harali......nenne nennege indu indige irali naleyu nalege

To find yourself, first lose yourself!!

              With new dreams & hopes I’ve stepped into a new life by making few tough decisions of my life when I was caught up with all different equally important options. The day I made my decisions things were different and every path showed me the direction to the decision I've made. Leaving behind everything, I carried just memories along with me, with absolutely no idea what’s waiting for me at the other end of this new journey.

Day 1: Felt like I was in some fairy like dreamland reading few lines on the boards on my way up the hill about imagination, how thoughts make us, loving our work & few more gyaan lines by great people & great minds. I missed my Dad, because he was the only one missing when I came to my new home #411, hostel H, which will remain my home for the next 2 years. My mom, sister, jeeju & even kids (my niece & nephew) were more excited than me. We were all at the harvard steps of the so called “The IIM K” my new campus. The first friend I made "Gauri" from Delhi, the one in the room opposite to mine. 

The view from my window was like the way I had never imagined. Greenary all around and misty hills behind many more misty hills and few more fading behind them to the world which extended to infinity awwwwwwww wonderful.

Day 2: My prep course started with a good start with just one hour class. Made few more good friends. Went out on a trip with my family visited Waynad & beaches. Shopped in the main city of Calicut & got back to my home "sweet home”. Decorated it with not much stuff kept it "sweet & simple".

Day3: Day4, Day 5... Wake up get ready for the class ,come back to room or cc lab spend some time & attend seniors session in the nights, complete their assignments & tasks, travel to main gates with "sapna & suja", the mushy bushy talks with them, walks down the hill with "shruthi" , the class trips to calicut ,kappad beach, the castle building in the sea sand & the late night chats with my hostel friends all Hindi friends. 

Finally realized its my only life time opportunity to learn to speak in Hindi thoroughly!!

Later just got lost in time, with assignments, placecom task & din't even realize its been almost 2 weeks I was here. Decided to visit Bangalore, my friends & family. 

Also with a purpose of shopping few more stuffs & to get along few forgotten documents from Bangalore. Finally had a good time with friends, treats & shopping malls in Bangalore. But failed to spend even 1 hour time with family. By the time I could get some time with family, it was time to leave Bangalore.

                                    

Was back to my new sweet home, with a new member in my room- my roomy "Ankitha mukerji".The officially first day in IIMK was waiting for us "The induction program" which was a welcome speech by the director, the chairperson & few more important officially dignified people of our institution The "IIMK”. After the induction program was the group photo session in the so called "Harvard steps”. When I stood there to pose for the picture perfect. I felt the chill pass through my veins & those goosebumps… shhhhh …..That minute I was just so happy & for the first time felt proud for making it to the IIM. That feeling was priceless. :) :)

As the time passed I got so loaded with assignments & tasks. Never even found time to view the scenic beauty outside my window anymore. Got so so lost in acads that one fine day when it was raining & I was inside a classroom discussing about our casestudy.

I took a break to have some time for tea.. Came out to see the wonderful rain drizzling and the awesome perfect weather "the weather I once loved when in Bangalore, the weather which brought back my memories "decision,confusion day”. Enjoyed the tea sip by sip by viewing the scenic beauty around the campus. Wondering where I have landed, how my life has changed, how less I’ve been sleeping, how I’ve been skipping my lunch & dinner to manage my so little time. 

The value of time was the first lesson I was taught. Even now while blogging all that is going on my mind is "finish this soon, you have an assignment to work on- read today ,start soon or else you’ll screw up your first "quiz". 

Yeah !!! Just like how I blogged in between my Engineering exam. I’m blogging and pouring out what ever I feel on the day before my "1st quiz". I’m lost in time in this new journey of life, hope I’ll find myself soon, the me , the one I always dreamt to be or better than what I thought I want to be”. Signing out bye-bye!!

                                                            


PS: This was the nutshell of what I could wrap up and put into few words, about my 1st few days in IIMK, oops sorry "The IIMK"!!This post already shows how my blogging style has changed & become worse. Not much time to imagine & write more creative. Please excuse if I disappointed you by writing a post that is way below my standards and below your expectation :P 

"Walk a little distance with me ,..see it your self" :)

           Well everyone who knows me by now, knows the fact of me being fidha over Shreya Ghoshal, her voice and her songs. What a lovely melodious voice! And the way she carries it off with an unusual kind off emotional feel, the sudden highs and lows in her tone, matching the perfect mood... simply awesome, brilliant, mind-blowing &..... (trying to find the best adjective possible).

I do not watch TV, I happen to just listen to FM Radio quite often. I hear all the songs but "listen" to very few especially shreya's. I get so carried away by her songs even before I would have listened and analysed the lyrics and its meaning. I'll simply be drawn towards her voice unconsciously. Only then will I try to listen to the lyrics, curiously trying to understand the meaning. 

Right now I'm listening to this particular song "dhoora swalpa dhoora"  which is definitely one of the best composition and music this year. Few of my fav songs, sung by her in kannada

- Hoovina banadhanthe -Birugali,

- Araamagi idhe naanu -GOKULA

- Neenedhu neenedhu nodu -Gilli

- Na naguva modhalene- Manasare

- Male Baruva haagidhe -Moginna manase

- Krishna nee begane baaro -Paris Pranaya

- Araluthiru jeevadha geleya & ivanu geleyanalla -Mungaru male

- Manasalle mathadhuve -Geleya

- Male ninthu hodha mele - Milana,...among kannada songs.

Hindi songs the list goes on beyond what I can list here

I get so involved in her songs that I automatically start to feel the emotions in the song, the way it's composed to be.

Music is close to my heart, if someone needs to get there.. it will be through music. Tears of happiness & contentment like I've owned something is what I feel like when I listen to her songs, her voice and the emotions just comes out like the bubbles from the soap water when stirred rigorously.

Full kush & thats the main reason I tend to sing only her songs where ever & whenever I get a chance to sing.May be thats why my friends call me "hopeless romantic", well when they initially tagged me so i was shocked "why the hell am i called so? am i so hopeless with absolutely no feelings at all.." But later learnt that it meant the other way round which was to look at the world and everything around us & feel its beautiful.

Here is the translation of the lyrics I'm listening to right now…

"Dhoora swalpa Dhoora"

https://youtu.be/6-FVZPZkLog

Hope everyone enjoys the song more after reading this :-)

Walk a little distance with me…

And see it for yourself…

Stop and have a look at me…

Just once… 

When you are watching me…

I’ll run away…from myself…

A word (of heart) dissolves at the tip of my lips…

And I look around evadingly…

Stealthy eyes…are lying…

See it for yourself… 

You are in my heart…

Yet you stand so afar…

The moment without you…

Is like a garland of thousand thorns on me…

Shall I hug you without telling…?

Shall I give you a peck…?

A drop of tear is revealing everything…

See it for yourself… 

Even with this separation between us…

Why there is so much of proximity…?

I’ll laugh…would keep laughing…

Yet I have to suffer this pain…

Shall I cry off once…?

Shall I die off in your arms…?

My small heart is shaking vigorously…

See it for yourself…

PS: Bairi piya bada bedardi ISHHHREYA!!

NEVER ENDING IF NOT AN HAPPY ENDING!! :)

                         

       The tick-toking clock on the wall informed her it was 12:30 p.m in the afternoon....only 12:30?? She shuddered to think of how slowly time would pass that day, though she hadn't had her breakfast yet.

        The warm afternoon sunlight was pouring into her room from the eastern windows bathing her in its glow. She closed her eyes in contentment and realized what exactly she needed at the moment. Unconsciously she started walking towards the direction of the temple, which she had once visited after someone "then" really close to her had told about it. That place reminded her of the few sweet memories which brought a cute smile on her face which was soon followed by the hard memories and tears flowed down her cheeks. She started walking away hiding her tears, and she came across an old tree which ones looked full with leaves and flowers. She had adored the same tree every time she saw, she thought everything around looked nice and beautiful “then”. But now the tree looked dead. Now had changed so drastically from then. The withering leaves at the tips of the branches confirmed her worst fears.

     'It isn't dead yet' a voice spoke from behind. She turned around to look at a wrinkled old man with a clutching stick in his hand. She asked 'How do you know?'

He smiled.'You see those upper branches' he pointed in the direction- 'look closely…… can't you see something there.. a little away from dried leaves?'
She followed his gaze and squinted in the sunlight.

Her eyes widened because sure enough, she could see tiny green leaflets sprouting from the tip of a branch. He was right.

'I think your eyesight is better than mine Uncle.....' She said with a surprise.

‘Eyesight has nothing to do with it....' he added- 'I could see because I was looking for it. You didn't see because you believed the tree was dead.'

       Suddenly her face broke into the widest smile in months. How foolish had she been to assume that her story was over! The story of life was ever-changing....ever-evolving.

It simply never ended. As long as she was alive and breathing, as long as she could feel the heat of the sun, as long as she could dream. She knew she had a purpose. She had a hundred more stories to write, a thousand more smiles to spread and a million more lives to touch. She need not worry about her ending anymore. For her, the story was only just the beginning, like a famous saying every cloud has a silver lining! She believed in herself and hoped to look for a golden lining!!

                         

PS: Only you can lift up yourself in the worst times of fear and failure. You were meant to be awesome, not perfect.

The cadence of her last breath!!

                      

                    The night was Dark & cold

                    There wasn't even a light breeze-

                Not a sound could be heard.

                Or any sign of life anywhere.

                   

              But inspite of the darkness

              She seemed to see everything clearly

           Gracefully she moved

               And a serene smile played about her lips

              She wasn't remarkably beautiful-

              But her life just seemed perfectly wonderful.

                       

         She was happy,she was cool,

          All she did was sing, laugh & dream.

   Everyone envied

    Ah !! how i wish my life was 

 just like that!!

 But Like the famous sayings 

The grass is always greener 

on the other side of the river

but Nothing last for ever.

All she does is dream big

   imagine a beautiful life & the undying

  belief to live her life to the fullest

until the day comes which she knows is approaching

I bet she is the toughest 

who dares to face the day 

which takes her away!!

PS:  Good news is that... 2012 is postponed to 4014 due to some technical problems according to the latest update through the sms.. so she can just chill out more!! :P

24* 2 = 48; 48- 3(et) -10(ct) -n(st) -(zZZ) < = 10

3 hours,

To prove your worth,

To put your thoughts on paper,

To give some meaning,

To the wasted days you spent in languor,

One night,

To fill it all in your head,

Only to forget it the coming day!!

  Well all these lines makes perfect sense to people who know the condition of my studies on the previous day of my exams!!

      HEIGHTS!! is what everyone exclaims,when i say what my condition was  before the day of exams!

      This was the semester i've wasted my hours, days ,weeks and months like crazy for god knows what reasons, don't even know what great things i was doing,  but the time just flew .One week before exams i was all tensed thinking what will i do in this exams! Not studied a word for internals neither for class tests( :P kidding ??)

       I decided to study in college so that i'l study something at least if not everything!! Well that was a pretty decent time and preparation was actually  better than what i had done during last few sems study holidays!! Then i thought may be ive got some seriousness i can study at home ,stayed back for a day at home to study.But all i did was sleep and sit glued to computer !! And the very next day again i ran to   college to study!! Must say our college library is one peaceful place and more like the  Bodhy tree where Buddha got his enlightenment . 

      Well, what then went wrong  this exam ? I found the answer also-  The over confidence that drives me .. Come on !! I can study i have 2 more days which is equal to 48 hours and even with 4 hrs per unit i can do everything in just 20 hrs and relax for the rest 28hrs!! Is my calculation..(wow how nice!! if it seriously works) and what i do in those 48hrs time?? Yes definitely i'l have my book in hand  and even stare at it but for maximum 10min then sms my friends "how much over ya?"  They reply " just started ya! u??" and i reply "me too" .. and then go to kitchen search around for some spicy hot snacks  feel disappointed for not finding any!! Takes money from mom's purse tell her and run to a near by snacks shop buy some chips or stuffs like that come back chat with parents eat aaramse.. then blablabla.. over 5 hours!! again sms friends "how much over ya?" they say "just finished 1 unit ,started with 2nd im scared ya.. u?".
What should i reply!!??? i just reply "still doing unit 1..".. and this continues ..

        The time would have just ran off like that & its 8pm and tomorrow being my exam at 2pm,,i think for sometime!! My brain responds.." if u dont study now ul for sure flunk tomorrow,all that 1 week of studying goes waste!!"  Then i start with rocket speed(< < 1/1000 times rocket speed actually) and with all night jagarne  finish 3-4 units in 10hrs of sleepless night!!By then i feel confident ok i have 8 to 2 = 6 hrs time to do 5th unit and try to sleep of at 6am setting alarm at 7 am, but still not sleepy!! X(  what to do??try and close my eyes tight, keep the pillow above my head ,sleep upside down ,try all different sleeping  postures but that little clock ticking  sound is so annoying &  is so so disturbing my sleep,..finally i would have slept somehow!! i wake up at 8 and run to finish my morning duties get ready to college also and sit off!! see the time its 9:30.. My mom comes to my room ,,serving starts one by one- milk, breakfast( sometimes feeding also),she says few sweet little word's "tension madko beda yest aaythu??" i tend to be sweet but in the tension all that i reply is " inu aagilla hogamma, tension kodbeda ,hogu il eat myself "(very rude i know cant help ,mentally stressed out condition).. all that i would do at that time is turn and turn and turn the number of sheets im supposed to study and get more stressed (& thats when i realize the importance of infinity), and finally would have done 1/4 of 5th unit  and run to catch auto!!Finally me and my friend nandini speak nothing just travel together still turning sheets up and down and trying to absorb the contents of those pages & reach college just in time, rush to class room and sit with absolutely no confidence because havent even finished 5 units ,forget about revising what ever i had read!! What happens in exam hall....??? phew.. lets not discuss about that!!

PS:  The abbreviation in the title means et= eating time, ct = computer time , st =sms time (n =depends on stress level) zZZ= sleeping time(depends on tension level higher the tension lesser the value.. inversely proportional !!).


I  have an exam in other 32hrs from now.But still writing this post!! HEIGHTS!! isn't it??